It's a phrase that I have acted more than a thousand times, much to my delight and the annoyance of my nearest & dearest. Those who know me, know well enough to never play Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory in my vicinity; that and Bugsy Malone. Unless you want to here me squarking the lines parrot-fashion through the entire film - and all lines at least 3 seconds before they have been uttered by the real characters.
I would strangle that parrot- I really would!
Recently, this quote has had more resonance than I could ever wish for. The best part of my life has been spent believing the former. I have lived my life as though I have an eternity still ahead of me and doing very little of worth to fill it's vastness. And I have no doubt that this is undeniably true for the majority of the people around me. We all believe that somehow we are invulnerable, eternally youthful, immune to pain and hurt and will continue like this for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever... Ok, you geddit.
I blame the media (well, everyone else does!)
But we are not James Bond, Neo, Angelie Jolie, Brad Pitt, or their kids, and Dan Brown still hasn't given us the clues and the symbols to finding the fountain of eternal youth.
So, in the last few years, months and weeks, the latter part of this quote has come to haunt me, to the point of panicked terror and sleepless nights. Oddly enough, not long after hitting the 30 "mile" mark.
I have bumbled and stumbled to this point in my life, with indescribable highs and desperate lows. With episodic unravelling comedy scenes to rival the Hangover, and dramas more outrageous than an Eastenders script. But it all contained one uniting theme; I had absolutely fuck-all direction. Which has led me to the situation I am in now.
We/I really have so little time.
And most importantly, I have so much to do. So much I want to do. And quite honestly, all joking aside, it scares me shitless.
As a result of these thoughts and feelings, little by little, or in great whacking chunks, whole areas of my life have begun to change. From the huge to the small, from the obvious to the obscure, and from the necessary the unnecessitated. I have no doubt that it will still contain the bumbling stumblings inherent to this Barwood make and model (you can't teach a middle-aged dog all new tricks!) But there are some areas in my life that I have given new direction, ok, actually all of them as you will see. And I hope to at least provide some amusing anecdotes (if nothing else) as to how it all goes to plan... or how it strays hopelessly from it!
Acting has been my sole career of choice for as long as I can remember. I think the decision came after the little confusing mix-up, aged 7, where I announced to my mum's dinner party that I wanted to be a "stripper"! But since leaving university life has gotten horrendously in the way. I will admit that I have happily let another life slip in... actually more like totally run amok and get completely in the way. I am sure many of you know the fear, "what if I am utterly appalling at what I really want to do? How could I ever recover from that kind of humiliation?" And for that matter, where would I then go with the rest of my life if I don't have my dreams to keep me company?" Sometimes a dream can be a burden as well as a goal. But as a friend so eloquently put it, "What if you wake up, aged 50, having never at least tried to fulfil your dreams." How would feel about that fear that stopped you from living your life?
Not everyone can be Buster Merryweather. (I know you will Google it)
I can't even grow that beard to start with...
I digress.
So I have started with the acting "malarky". It doesn't sound so scary when I make it sound whimsical like that. What has been endless empty chatter in everyone's ears for far too long, is now beginning to slowly take place.
And as I promised, there are already Barwood-stylee random situations occuring, which could and would only happen to me...
Which I will save for another day children ;-)
Goodnight x
