I had hoped to write a very profound next blog droning on about the inspirations behind the acting bug, yada, yada, yada...
But "The Weirdness" has already descended on my life - as I promised you in the first part. Plus, I need a good, trivial RAAAAAANT!
So as some of you may know I have been single for all of a billionth of a nano-second. And like a blinded rabbit in the headlights, I have been regaled with horror stories both from longer term singles and fresh onto the dung heap singles. The one thing new to the dating game after my 7 years off the merry-go-round: stalkers!
(Now I do mean this in the most trivial sense of the word and I don't wish to denigrate sufferers of true stalkers.)
Lunch with one friend began with a catch-up on her dating success, "He's ok, nice guy, maybe a little short, but not bad on the whole". And it ended the weekend later with, "OMG, he's text me asking what I want for breakfast next week!" They hadn't even been on a second date yet. Lunch with another friend revealed she has a guy at work she dated only once who now won't leave her alone. And at her insistence that she was not interested, he then saw fit to become abusive towards her.
Now as appealing as all these (and many more) stories are to ease me soothingly into singledom. I do have visions of dating (now 7 years on since the emergence of dating websites) as some Matrix style farm, where everyone is plugged in blithely going about their dating business unaware that this energy in the search for love is being tapped into by some A.I. superbeing milking all our human energy to power some Mechanico-land!
I think I will pass thanks.
I really want time alone. With regards to that segment of my life, I want to fold it up like the last bit of a Terry Chocolate Orange, stick it in the fridge, deal with the other segments and save that one for later, thank you very much. Even with my friends stories to inspire me, dating is not on my radar, it's not even in the same star system right now. I want to concentrate on my baby budling acting career right?
So who the heck let down the Boyfriend Invisibility Screen without telling me?
You know get issued one of these B.I.S. as standard once you enter a relationship, right? And it protects you from the unwanted attention from the other menfolk in the village. You are girlfriend of (insert Neanderthals name here). Keep Off. And Carry On. It saves all of those embarrassing, I don't really like you moments you may have in the presence of strangers making untoward advances. You may even be issue with the Boyfriend Badge, which you pull out, unsheathe, holding arm outstretched, letting in glimmer in it's own radiance:
"Sorry, I have a BOOOOY - FRIEND"
Even the really fit ones. You can flirt outrageously, knowing you'll never get rejected, because you can pull out the badge and reject them first. Yes me! Rejecting the the hottest guys ever to utter a sentence in my presence... because "I have a BOOOOY - FRIEND!"
Well, someone took my screen and badge away without my notification and look what a pickle I get into.
Last week I got stopped by a rather sweaty, pasty, bad shorted runner in the park while waiting for a friend. I will admit we had an mildly interesting conversation. He was a life coach and well, let's not pussyfoot around the fact; my life right now is on its knees giving out its overly dramatic death throes.
Before I could fully realise where this conversation was really going it was all too late. My furtive glances into the distance for my friend should have given off the, "I'm not interested vibe"... I thought. Then came that awkward moment where he asked for my number so we could go for a coffee... "erm... errr... (2 minutes later).. erm... erm..." Still not getting the hint from my boundless enthusiasm to continue our conversation. I panicked, I didn't want to be rude, looking harder into the distance in the hope that Matlida-style I could push out tiny little fingers from my eyeballs and drag her there right that second.
No such luck.
And while we're here, another problem I have with today is; prank calling.
How can I give a fake number if he is going to stand right there and prank call me! I had no way out. My number was handed over reluctantly like the child who stole from the biscuit tin. I made my excuses to leave and said I was very busy, but maaaaaybe we could meet up "ONLY AS FRIENDS" and I ran - like a startled golden poodle in a wind tunnel.
A week later and I have over 10 missed calls, 5 voice messages, more calls from another number, landline, he already told me he worked in Reading (so checked the dialling code), and 6 text messages. I have replied to none. And now I have no idea what to do.
So I have a few questions about boys, dating and meetings in general:
1. Did I do anything wrong? Could I have handled that one better?
2. Have you been in worse situations. How did you deal with it?
3. Why is it we feel we can't say no without feeling guilty? My friend tried to say no and faced a barrage of abuse?
4. And finally, are they only "stalkers" because we didn't like them. If that was some tall athletic demi-god, would my friend have welcomed his offer of breakfast, or me the offer of coffee and a chat about life?...
Okay, rant over...
(feel much better now - thanks) ;-)
Even the really fit ones. You can flirt outrageously, knowing you'll never get rejected, because you can pull out the badge and reject them first. Yes me! Rejecting the the hottest guys ever to utter a sentence in my presence... because "I have a BOOOOY - FRIEND!"
Well, someone took my screen and badge away without my notification and look what a pickle I get into.
Last week I got stopped by a rather sweaty, pasty, bad shorted runner in the park while waiting for a friend. I will admit we had an mildly interesting conversation. He was a life coach and well, let's not pussyfoot around the fact; my life right now is on its knees giving out its overly dramatic death throes.
Before I could fully realise where this conversation was really going it was all too late. My furtive glances into the distance for my friend should have given off the, "I'm not interested vibe"... I thought. Then came that awkward moment where he asked for my number so we could go for a coffee... "erm... errr... (2 minutes later).. erm... erm..." Still not getting the hint from my boundless enthusiasm to continue our conversation. I panicked, I didn't want to be rude, looking harder into the distance in the hope that Matlida-style I could push out tiny little fingers from my eyeballs and drag her there right that second.
No such luck.
And while we're here, another problem I have with today is; prank calling.
How can I give a fake number if he is going to stand right there and prank call me! I had no way out. My number was handed over reluctantly like the child who stole from the biscuit tin. I made my excuses to leave and said I was very busy, but maaaaaybe we could meet up "ONLY AS FRIENDS" and I ran - like a startled golden poodle in a wind tunnel.
A week later and I have over 10 missed calls, 5 voice messages, more calls from another number, landline, he already told me he worked in Reading (so checked the dialling code), and 6 text messages. I have replied to none. And now I have no idea what to do.
So I have a few questions about boys, dating and meetings in general:
1. Did I do anything wrong? Could I have handled that one better?
2. Have you been in worse situations. How did you deal with it?
3. Why is it we feel we can't say no without feeling guilty? My friend tried to say no and faced a barrage of abuse?
4. And finally, are they only "stalkers" because we didn't like them. If that was some tall athletic demi-god, would my friend have welcomed his offer of breakfast, or me the offer of coffee and a chat about life?...
Okay, rant over...
(feel much better now - thanks) ;-)
Great questions!.....At 43 I am still none the wiser. Its a mine field! Luckily I have my BIS back but these are all interesting questions and I am looking forward to hearing the opinions of the opposite sex or any of my own fair sex that have cracked it.
ReplyDeleteAwww,Michele! Welcome to the world of single and independent women.
ReplyDeleteThe best thing to do in this sort of situations is to tell them that you are a lesbian. That's what I do ,when there is no other way out after those 10 minutes of "ermmmm...ermmm" .I think a guy would rather hear something like "sorry, but I've got a gf/bf" then "I don't like you/Im not interested". If you weren't interested at least a little bit you wouldn't have had that chat with him at the first point !
Just text that guy saying that you are going out with someone else so that he would stop trying to get hold of you.
I do adore men for being so brave and chatting with strangers ..Jesus ,I couldn't do that as often as they do.
Michele ,you are one of the fittest and smartest girls I've ever known so stay coool and don't let those little things to get in you head. Love yourself xx
I like that slant on it. It is true, no matter the outcome, you got to at least commend guys for throwing themselves out there like that. I don't know many women who would.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the single world!! As a resident of about 3 years I can confirm there is only one way to handle situations as these: LIE. Lie through your teeth missy,
ReplyDelete"Hi I'm Paul, do you have a boyfriend??"
"Yes, yes I do. Fabulous day isn't it?" [Conversation continues]
Having met many a freak I've now established it's much easier to just pretend to have a boyfriend from the start, as then any awkard phone requests, coffee requests etc. can be un-awkwardly denied with "No sorry, as said I have a boyfriend :-)"
NOTE TO SELF: Have no fear that this approach will leave you with a date-less, sex-less exsistance - if after the boyfriend lie has been uttered yet the conversation has continued, and low and behold you realise you may actually want to see him again, the very simple solution is to come clean and expalian that "I simply lie to avoid maniacs", then hopefully both laugh it off. Might seem scary, but trust me from previous experience
a) the guy probably won't be that surprised
b) very simlilar thing has probably happened before to him/ close friend of his.
Loving the blog Michele- it's like a a big fat supersize version of your statuses!! Keep it up!x